Getting the Conversation Rolling

Most people find conversations with strangers difficult, and let's face it: speed dating is a forced situation. By the time you relax enough to converse freely, your time just might be up! Never fear, though . there are a few simple tips that can help you get the conversation moving.

Don't count on your partner to do the work . assume they're just as tongue-tied as you. It's important that you contribute to the conversation; remember, you are trying to make an impression, and you want your partner to remember something about you when they leave. On the other hand, don't feel obligated to monopolize things: if they have something to say, go with it. Remember, most people like to talk about themselves, so let them. It makes them feel good, and it gives you a chance to take stock.

You don't need a script or a class on small-talk to get things moving. Open-ended questions are always a great way to get people talking! That means questions that require an actual answer of more than one word! .How are you tonight?. might be a conversational stand-by, but once your partner says .great,. there's nowhere left to go! You can start with a few of these (it's a little awkward to open a conversation with deep philosophical quandaries) but you should move on as quickly as possible.

Basic Questions to Start Things Off

·             What do you do?

·             Where did you go to school?

·             Have you always lived around here?

·             Do you have any pets?

·             What's your favourite restaurant?

·             Is this your first speed-dating event?

Many of these questions will lead naturally to conversations, but if they don't, here are some more versatile questions you can use to keep things moving. Above all, avoid long, drawn-out silences. That kind of thing isn't a disaster on a date, but when you have a maximum of six minutes to get to know each other, you want to keep things moving.

·             Have you seen (fill in the latest movie)?

·             Have you read (fill in the latest bestseller)?

·             Have you been to any local sporting events recently?

·             How did you hear about online speed dating? What made you decide to give it a try?

·             What are you hoping to find tonight?

·             If you could have one perfect day, what would you do?

·             What do you like to do with your friends?

·             What are your hobbies? How did you get into them?

·             What were you like when you were a kid?

·             What's your favourite holiday? What makes it so special?

·             Have you done any traveling? (Okay, that one's a yes-or-no question, but if the answer is yes, it will almost certainly lead to a long conversation!)

·             What TV shows are you into?

·             What kind of music do you listen to?

·             What's the most exciting thing you've ever done?

Topics and Conversations To Avoid

Most conversations will flow naturally, but there are certain things that should simply be avoided in a speed-dating situation. Obviously, if you make a connection with someone you will come to share your deepest opinions and beliefs, but you don't have time to discuss them thoroughly now, and certain topics are best left for a later date.

·             Politics

·             Religion

·             Money

·             Ex-boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives

·             Date stories (or stories of other men/women at all, even if they're only friends)

·             Complaints about work

·             Strong opinions (within reason)

·             Off-color humour

·             Swearing. It doesn't matter if this is how you normally talk to your friends; it can be intimidating and sound rude. Don't do it.

Also make sure you aren't monopolizing the conversation. Treat everyone with courtesy and respect . don't interrupt, and demonstrate interest in what they're saying, even if you know you're not interested. You never know: you might be talking to your future spouse.s best friend!

Making Your Evening a Success

Here are a few more tips to make sure your evening is all it can be!

·             Give your partner your full attention. There's a slight danger in sitting at your own computer: you might get too comfortable! This isn't the time to eat supper, play with your pet, or have solitaire open in another window. Give your partner the respect of your undivided attention.

·             Demonstrate attentive listening. Lean forward and make eye contact. If you look directly into the webcam from time to time, it will seem to your partner that you.re looking right at them. Pay attention to what your partner says and respond to it. Try to actually listen to what they're saying instead of thinking about what you want to say next.

·             Don't let the conversation become an interrogation! The last thing anyone wants is to have a non-stop barrage of questions fired at them. Ask your questions, but don't feel you have to get through the whole list. Remember, your goal is to spark a conversation, not learn everything there is to know about your partner. There will be time for that later.

·             Research has shown that people respond positively to the sound of their own names, so make sure you use them. When you.re introduced to a partner, pay attention and remember their name. Repeat it to yourself once or twice, or give yourself a little mind trick to remember it. Don't go overboard . keep things natural . but try to use each partner's name at least once.

·             Keep brief notes as you go . not, obviously, during the conversation, but take a moment after each meeting to jot your impressions. Even if someone seems pretty great at the moment, after you talk to ten more people your memory just might fade, no matter how great an impression they made. Some sites will even provide a space for precisely this purpose, allowing you to collect your thoughts on the computer throughout the event.