Getting in the Right Frame of Mind

It's a perfectly natural, human instinct to search for romance. These days, television and movies have us believing that these things happen naturally, in the blink of an eye. Most people realize this is not the case. You have to work for a relationship, just like you have to work for everything else.

Social pressures don't help. On one hand, you're constantly under pressure to have romance in your life. On the other, women are often made to feel that .needing. a man is a sign of insecurity, and men often hear that women threaten their .independence.. This is a prime example of why it's so important to ignore social pressures!

The key to romance is to follow your heart. It's clichéand cheesy, but it's true. You can't let friends or family force you into a relationship you're not ready for, but you shouldn't let them stop you from searching for love, either.

Before you have any hope of finding a relationship, you have to be comfortable in your relationship with yourself. Before you begin any endeavour, including an online speed-dating event, it's useful to sit down and take stock. Consider:

·     How happy am I with my current lifestyle?

·     How would my life change if I found someone I loved?

·     Do I believe in myself now, or do I think I need someone to validate me?

·     Why am I looking for romance? Is it because I want to add a spark to my life or because I feel my life is incomplete without it?

·     What do I hope to get from a relationship?

·     What do I have to contribute to a relationship?

·     What are my values and beliefs? Which of these are non-negotiable? Can I cope with someone who doesn't share them, or doesn't share all of them?

These may seem like rather serious questions to consider before undertaking something like a date, and it's true that for some people, online speed dating is just a fun way to meet new friends. But if it's more than that for you . if you hope to find true love, or even just a serious relationship . it's worth taking the time to take stock of your own life. Until you're satisfied with yourself, you won't be able to fully enjoy a relationship with anyone else.

Finding Satisfaction with  Yourself

If you aren't happy with yourself or your life now, chances are a relationship will not change that. In fact, it might actually make things worse. Things might seem to improve initially, but in time basic insecurities will rear their ugly heads. Before you even think about seeking a relationship, try some of the following tips:

·     Focus on your good points. Silence those insecurities and worries. It's fine to want to improve yourself or to be aware of your faults, but dwelling on those things only brings you down.

·     Find enthusiasm for life. Engage in activities you enjoy. Go out with friends. Even if you don't feel like it, make time for social events. The more you socialize with others, the more likely you are to meet someone you care about . or at least to get an idea of what you're looking for!

·     Take care of yourself. Get enough sleep, exercise, eat well. Not only will you look better, you'll feel better, both physically and emotionally.

·     Emphasize the positive. Try to catch yourself complaining and put a stop to it. Venting can be healthy, but too much of it only serves to skew your focus to the negative. Try to balance every negative thought with two positive thoughts.

You'll never find yourself completely satisfied with every aspect of your life. That's only common sense! But when you've hit the point where romance is an accessory to your life, something that emphasizes and complements it rather than consuming it, you've hit the point where opportunity is knocking at your door.

Know Who You Are and What You Want

What are you looking for in a partner? What do you have to offer? Consider that men tend to look for women who:

·     Are not in constant need of reassurance

·     Know what they want in life

·     Have a spirit of adventure

·     Appreciate and need them without being dependent

·     Are nurturing and caring

·     Make them feel strong and wanted

·     Take charge from time to time

Women, on the other hand, tend to want men who:

·     Are self-assured

·     Display a willingness to care for them without intruding on their independence

·     Respect them and their abilities

·     Are supportive and considerate

·     Appreciate them for who they are

·     Are financially secure

Ask yourself if any of these characteristics apply to you, and take note of what you are looking for. However, at the same time, keep in mind that it may be your subconscious that does the choosing . you might have no conscious say in the matter whatsoever!

The other thing to remember is that these are generalizations. There.s nothing wrong with trying to be more supportive and considerate, or striving to believe in yourself, but you should never try to change your personality just to attract another person. It doesn.t work in the long run. Remember, you are who you are, and your ideal partner is someone who appreciates you, quirks and all!